Happy on the InSiDe....♥

Well. After a lot of venting, wining and generally feeling like crap. I got sick. Imagine that. ( I believe my friend DreAnn has been telling me health follows thought or some such thing forever now..) I have been sick since Thursday so let's just not even discuss working out. It hasn't been happening. Period. I may have lost weight though because I haven't had much of an appetite.

I have however (when I am not sleeping) been thinking a lot about what is bothering me. What is really bothering me. I started to get worried that maybe I am suffering from post partum depression. I just haven't been able to get happy. It used to be so easy for me. I was always happy I generally liked everyone. And then pregnancy and birth and hormones...and you get the picture. bitchiness has taken over...which has caused guilt...guilt like I am sure some have never seen. It is amazing how bad I can make myself feel. Other things that have been eating at me are...I am unhappy with my body...I am not sure what is going on with me at work. I never worried too much about it and now that I have Oliver to provide for every little thing just stresses me out.

Anyways all this is going on and really I just feel like I should be happy. I am doing what I can to improve my body. Billy and I are taking steps to improve our finances so honestly that area can't stress me too much because I am working on it. I have the best baby ever. He is so calm and sweet. And Billy and I have never been closer. My family and I have never been closer. I have a great job. It pays well. I like most of the people I work with. They promote a positive environment. Yet knowing all of this, constantly reminding myself of all of this...I can't seem to just breathe in and out...and be happy.

Instead I am mean...I cry a lot over nothing much at all...and I am carrying around guilt like ugh.

Then today. ahhhh glorious today. I woke up. Still sick. I went to UMC quick care to nip this cold right in the butt before going back to work tomorrow. I went to CVS after to fill my prescriptions and bought a magazine called 'Self'. Got medicated...took as long a nap as Oliver would let me and then started flipping through 'Self' magazine. It is great. It has everything I want to read and none of the things I am not interested in. I think I have found my new magazine for my life. Let's face it I am not leading the life of a 'Cosmopolitan' single-sexcapades-fun-n-flirty kind of girl anymore. This magazine has just what I need. Literally. There is in article in this month's issue called 'Find The Happy In Every Day'. It is basically an excerpt from a book that the editor of the magazine recently wrote called ' The Nine Rooms of Happiness'. It is a great article and kind of long so I am only going to mention what really caught me and what I think will help me in the future.

*She mentioned how emotional health is like your body's health. It is something that needs to be worked on and cultivated and you need to get emotionally healthy sometimes just like you need to get body healthy.

(What an IDEA!)

*She likens all of our different troubles and problems to different rooms in a hypathetical house. She talks about how we carry around our different troubles that really belong only in one room to a bunch of different rooms.

(for example the bathroom of our house is where all body image emotions should stay..however I carry this around with me like it's glued to my hip and let it infect and dirty all the other areas of my house (or life.))

*She listed 9 'Happiness Helpers' I am not going to list the strategy just the keys...

1. You can't live in the past. Now is it.

2.Be authentic; Be true to you.

3. You can change only yourself.

4.We don't complete each other. We overlap.

5. It's not all about you.

6.Conflict can be ok.

7.Actions speak louder than words. -this one was my favorite. It says: "When you can't express yourself, you tend to misbehave in passive but noticeable ways..." I totally have been doing this.

8.Know your limits. Be strong to help others.

9. Go (with the status quo) or grow.

I am not sure if you are getting why this helped me and I really only blogged it because reading this article has been like a light on in my head. I am so ready to take control of my own life. I really get to decide to be happy. No one else can do it for me. I am sick of hearing myself whine on and on about all that is 'wrong' or bothering me.

"If you haven't the strength to impose your own terms on life, you must accept the terms it offers you." TS Elliott

Here is the link to the article that changed my life so you can view it online. I hope it can help you how it has helped me.

http://www.self.com/health/2010/03/nine-happiness-helpers