CRAP.

oh my oh my.

Depressing. Get ready. I cheated on Sunday and snuck a little peak at the ol' scale before my official weigh in day tomorrow. Guess what? I have gained weight!!!!!! I was sooo sure that I had lost soooooo much weight the last week. I was so proud that even though I had been sick two weeks straight and feeling crummy I was still vigilant about eating well. I ate so good. Healthy...smaller portions.

I weigh 205lbs. I gained 3lbs since last week. I know it is not the end of the world. And if anything it really just encourages me to work even harder now that I can work out and eat better. I literally could not work out the last couple of weeks. When I did work out it just put me over the edge and halted any getting betterness I was doing. =(

There is a part of me that upon learning this news was like. Shit. I give up. Life hates me. But luckily I hate my body. I hate seeing myself in pictures and I loath being around people with my new body. I don't feel like me anymore. And I want me back. I know that if I can just stick with this crazy goal of mine and really do it even just get on the right track and start getting results I will feel better. I know it becuase I felt GREAT when I was losing good weight in January. I want that back! Fatty that is what I am and I am tired of it. I don't even care who gets mad for me calling myself that. I am not a skinny. that is for sure. So Fatty it is. FOR NOW.

Oh and today? Well you can just put TODAY in the trash can. I ate like shit. I ate all kinds of shit actually. It was potluck day at work and I just went to town. I also had starbucks this morning and a pumpkin loaf. It was insane. I had a little procedure done on my toes so I can't really work out today BUT tomorrow IT IS ON! I am going to literally work my ass off. CARDIO CARDIO CARDIO. And then see where that gets me. As well as eating well. At least I am in the habit now whether it worked or not of eating better healthier smaller portions. (today is an exception and believe me I am paying for it.) I am sick of TALKING about getting into a good routine...I am just ready to get into one. I know that is what I need to do to get results. I know I need to get results to feel better and I know I need to feel better to take this thing all the way to 70lbs.

So yes. Today. Crap.

Tomorrow. A NEW DAY.