Alright then...MoViNg FoRwArD

I do not want to come on here and do yet another one of my posts where I talk about how I got off track and now I am getting back to it, however.  LOL

I got off track and now I am getting back to it.HA! I have spent some time...basically a month living with excuses. And you know what? I felt aweful all month. I hated myself, my body, I have been moody I have been slightly depressed and no fun to be around. I have made so many excuses not to work out...I am sure they are excuses you have thought of before as well...

                                                                  I am too tired today...
                                                  I have a head ache...

             I will just eat this right now and then starting tonight...tomorrow...next week I will start eating right...

                                                                   There is so much going on I just can't focus on this...

Oh the baby had a hard night last night...I need my sleep instead of working out...

            Poor me, I hurt, I hate my life, working out sucks....

                                             Who am I kidding 70lbs in a year?...I will be fat forever...

    If my husband thinks I am so 'great' the way I am why even bother losing the weight?

                                                                      What if I go through all this effort and still hate my body? 

Oh you get the hint. That list could be a mile long full of the excuses I make up every day. The facts are I have been wallowing in everything that makes me unhappy and not working out, and not eating right has just been the icing on the cake. I am not sure how I let it last a month long but...I am starting to get my mind right now. I am back to counting calories and keeping track of my small goals. The good news as I have said before is that I expected to have set backs like this. I know myself. I am horrible at commiting to things, I am horrible with consistancy. But I owe this to myself. I deserve the body I want, the health and happiness that I want. The all around wellness that I want. And you know what? When I am working out and eating right as badly as I want to just stay in bed or eat all the yummy stuff I feel GREAT! I feel proud of myself, weigh ins are exciting and I have a certain glow about me. So cheers. Here's to falling off the wagon for a bit and climbing right back on.

love to you and yours!

Weigh In

Well I am still at 189lbs ...

I know I said I gained 3lbs in Laughlin but I think it was all beer weight and I lost it pretty quick. So I say 'still' because in my mind I haven't gone anywhere. Man it would be nice to be back at 170lbs...that is what I weighed when I got pregnant. 15lbs to go?

I know I can do it.

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself... any direction you choose."-Dr. Seuss

bathing suits...

that's right. bathing suits.

just the sound of that word and I cringe! Until last weekend I had no desire to be seen in a bathing suit until next summer. I was prepared to wear my capri pants...sit out of the water fun activities and everything. And then I found out that the relaxing trip to Laughlin to the SPA was actually a trip to Laughlin to the LAKE to ride jet skis and boats! AGH! Total mental break down on my part. I know it is silly. I know I am grown, everyone knows I just had a baby, no body really cares what I look like. It is not like I was going to roll up in a thong bikini just rockin my poor stretch marked chubby body! AGH! But I was terrified. I have met all of my husband's coworkers maybe two or three times ever. And I was pregnant all of those times so I did not want them seeing me in a bathing suit. PERIOD.

Obviously I got over it. I went and got a tasteful mom-suit. One piece.You know... sucks ya in. hides the tummy dimples. And I will admit it wasn't so bad. But man did it put my priorities in perspective. I am insane! I let the way I feel about my body control everything. I was seriously considering not even going on our trip because of a tiny little piece of water-wear. I am soooo glad that I didn't though because we had so much fun and I realized (again) that I have the greatest husband. He really thought I was beautiful all weekend long. Even though I didn't see myself that way...he saw it. And in the end I felt that way. ♥

I did take the oppurtuniy to take 'before' pics of myself in the bathing suit so that I could compare when I squeeze into one next year.  Here they are. view them if you dare.

Needless to say I have a new fire lit under my weight loss goals. So that is that. I don't have a lot to say about it because I haven't done much yet. Story of my life. But I gained three pounds just over the weekend. I forgot to log my weigh in so I will just let it be seen next Tuesday. I have conflicting feelings about that though. I know myself. I know what I like and I KNOW that if I don't let myself have these kinds of weekends where I eat and drink what I want than losing this weight is useless. Now I am just dealing with the struggle of getting back into everything. still. ugh. My goal is to have good productive news for you next week instead of "blegh I am tired and haven't been working out blegh."

Peace ♥ Love ♥ and Bathing Suits