general ranting and such

Geez. I sure wish people would keep their eyes to themselves. I have had the oppurtunity to see a few people that haven't seen me since I was pregnant (or some before I was preggo) and they always ask the same questions. You know how it goes...how are you doing? how is the baby...? And I glow and smile and tell them how much I love him...what a great baby he is. Then this question comes. How old is he now? I smile and say "4 months. I can't believe how time is just flying by. hahaha...." And then it happens. everyone does it. Their eyes scan up and down my body to check in and see how I have changed since having a child. Usually their eyes stop for a moment right at my midsection checking to see how much weight I have left to lose. And the reason I know this is what they are doing is becuase I used to do it. I still do it actually. I have just become a little more sneeky about it. It just sucks. I don't want people eyeing me like that. I know I don't look that great right now. Do they have to make that discovery standing right in front of me?

The good thing is that I am doing something about it. I am well on my way to losing this weight it just sucks. I will admit I want instant gratification. Being over weight and SOOOO much heavier than I used to be is sucking the life right out of me. I hate the looks I get all the time now. The skinny girls at work that complain they want to 'tone up' or lose 2lbs won't even listen to me anymore when I talk about the 70lbs I want to lose. The looks they give me are aweful too. It's like hello a little support please? I know it is going to be a while before people are like wow Chelsee you have a lost a lot of weight but really? Do they have to get quiet and give me pitiful looks when I talk about how I am doing? I don't even bring it up anymore. And when it is brought up in front of me people just get quiet and change the subject. Ugh.

Can I just say I am sick of girls in general? They suck. I have never had the pleasure of having one really good friend that is a girl unless you count my sister in law who lives far away now and we never really get to talk. Man I am going through some crazy mind shit right now and I feel completely alone. I feel like no one wants to listen to me. Even though I listen to them all the time with any kind of problems they have and try to cheer them up best that I can when they are sad. I need to quite expecting people to care about me when I am not happy. When I am not having any problems poeple are everywhere for me. But as soon as I become a sad-crap-bag where is everyone? Where do they go? I get that no one wants to be around someone that is being negative but holy cow. It just makes me feel worse ya know? When I am sad I guess I need to just rely on myself for cheer. For strength and advice. Other people never seem to have the energy or care to listen to me anymore.

Man I am a downer. Sorry. I just needed to rant a little bit today. I am not eating emotionally anymore and so I have no outlet for all these feelings flying around my brain anymore. ugh.

On a positive note....I have been eating well. Very good in fact. Yesterday I was sick so I barely ate anything at all but what I did eat was full of vitamins and goodness. I feel like it set me on the right track for today. I am feeling a little ill still but over all ok. I just need to get through work with out having a break down and then go to my happy place at home with my boys. ♥